Growing up, my family and I used to go to Lake Powell regularly. It was wonderful to be on the lake and soak up the rays. One thing my sister and I would like to do is go cliff jumping. We would climb to the top, look down, and leap feet first. The smaller cliffs were ok, but the higher ones were more difficult. Mostly because there was more air between me and the ground and just when I thought I would hit the water, there were still a few seconds left to go. Just then my stomach would feel like it was in my throat and then I would hit the water. And then we would do it all again. After a while the higher cliffs didn’t hold such great appeal to me. The extra air was less predictable and to be honest, hitting the water hurt more the higher I went. But cliff jumping in general was trilling, exciting and terrifying at times. It sometimes took a while to get the courage just to jump.

I tell this story because at the moment I feel like I am at the top of a large sheer cliff. I can feel the wind on my face. I calmly lean in, close my eyes, open my arms up wide, and leap. With a serene smile on my face I fly into the air and then head my way down into the clouds below. I just want to feel it. The wind on my face, the excitement of it. To feel alive. I have no idea what is at the bottom, water or rocks. Doesn’t matter. I want to feel like I’m living. It may seem reckless and daring, but as I let go I am learning how to soar. I have been doing things that have seemed impossible before.

Starting school

Working out every morning at 5:00 a.m.

Building a

website

Recording music

Sharing my story on my blog

Starting a business

Have there been times I have crashed and burned? Um, yep! It hurts and has made me want to stop at times. But that is all part of trying new things.

If I did stop, it would lead to me going back to feeling dead inside. So I pick myself up, dust myself off and climb the cliff again. Maybe more cautiously as first, but I still do it. Trying something new brings experience for future adventures. Effort brings hope for something better.

Most of the time in my minds eye I never make it to the bottom. There is no arrival. After I leap I somehow just make it to the top again, stand, lean in, and leap, repeat. I doubt and avoid, but then sleepless nights take over and I can’t not go. So I stand at the top again, knowing what I need to do. I write and press publish, I press send, I audition and apply to places I could play. All these have been huge risks for me. Fear is present, but it doesn’t stop me.

As I do these things it helps me to believe in myself and overcome the voices in my head that say I can’t. As I go, and do, what looks impossible becomes very possible. Everyday. There is a fire in me that I haven’t had and it has woken me up to be driven, focused and determined. I was meant to fly.

I start school tomorrow. In the past week I have had people say to me, “how do you do it with a family? That’s amazing.” It's interesting, but such encouragement could put doubts into my head. It takes faith to do what looks impossible to others. I never know exactly how it will all work out, but as I do it, things fall into place. I have the support I need and I am so grateful for it. I have to trust that as I go, I will be helped along the way. I also have the evidence of past successes to keep me going.

The result of these risks is the shear joy I feel when I think about my life right now. There comes a sincere depth of love for myself and what I am doing that cannot be replicated by anything that I know. I am genuinely proud of how far I’ve come. Yes, I have 4 years before I’m finished with school. But in that time, what else can I learn about and get experience from so I can be even better, for myself and the future students I will teach? I believe in myself like I never have before and it feels amazing. I am excited for the future and the possibilities it holds. What is the next cliff I can climb and take another leap.

I share these things in hopes it can illustrate what is possible for you as well. May you also find things that make you want to take a leap. I love this poem because it illustrates so well that life is a beautiful journey of becoming.

Pilgrim in Process

It's a season of transition

and you're on the move again

on a path toward something you cannot disown;

Searching for your being in the labyrinths of heart

and sensing all the while you're not alone.

Yes, you seem to keep on changing

for the better and the worse

and you dream about

the shrines you've yet to find;

And you recognize your longing

as a blessing and a curse

while you puzzle at the prisons of your mind.

For as much as you seek freedom

from your agonies and fears

and as often as you've tried to see the light,

There is still a trembling terror

that your liberation nears

as you struggle with the edges of your night.

For your Reason is a skeptic

and rejects what it desires,

playing hard to get with miracles and signs;

Till a Witness gains momentum

and emerges from within

To disclose the patterns well

above

the lines.

Then a window has been opened

and you've let yourself observe

how the fabric of your Being lies in wait;

And you want to scream in anger

and you want to cry for joy

And you worry that it still may be too late.

For the roller coaster plummets

with a force that drives you sane

as you tightly grasp for truths that will abide;

Never fully understanding

that your need to feel secure

Is the very thing that keeps you on the ride.

You survive the oscillations

and begin to sense their role

In a process whose direction is more clear

And you marvel as your balance point

becomes a frequent home,

and your lifelong destination feels like "here."

So with gentleness and wonder,

with questions and with quests

You continue on the path that is your way;

Knowing now that you have touched upon

the shores of inner life,

and excursions deeper can't be far away.

There will be so many moments

when an old view seems so strong

and you question whether you can really change;

And yet, from deep within you,

there's a sense of more to come

and your old view is the one

that now seems strange.

Take good care, my friend, and listen

to the whispers of your heart

as it beats its precious rhythm through your days;

My warm thoughts and hopes are with you

on your journeys

through it all . . .

and the paths of life in process find their ways. 

Do be gentle

, Process Pilgrim;

learn to trust that trust is dear

,

and the same is true of laughter and of rest;

Please remember

that

the living is a loving in itself

,

And the secret is to ever be in quest . . .

Mahoney, M. J. (2003). Pilgrim in process. In M. J. Mahoney (Ed.),

Pilgrim in process

(pp. 61-63). Plainfield, IL: Kinder Path Press.