Finding purpose as a midlife mom
I didn't know who I was. in 2016, as a midlife mom of four, mom life was all I knew. I didn't think there were possibilities even though I had dreams and desires. I knew there were things I wanted to do. But it felt impossible. The culture I was surrounded by all told me that my kids needed me to be home with them, and that anything else was not okay. They said my kids would be harmed if I did anything other than be a mom.
In the process of trying to be dutiful and diligent, I got lost. It was a midlife crisis of sorts. I was 39, turning 40 that year.
I no longer felt like I knew who I was. I put everyone else first. While everyone else shopped at Nordstrom, I was shopping at thrift stores. I cut my own hair, didn't wear makeup, and never washed my face at night. I believed I had nothing to offer.
I had forgotten what I liked, that I had interests and desires. I didn't know what lit me up inside. It was all covered over by other people's needs. I didn't have needs. I was there to fulfill everyone else's.
Until it all came to a head. I was depressed. I tried so hard to do the right thing, to overperform, to outdo everyone else, to be good enough. And it all came crashing down. I was in burnout...again. I kept thinking if I try FlyLady, or organizing, or some cleaning program, all to be enough...next time it will be different. But it never was. It always ended the same.
I needed to try something new. So I got help. At the time it was a therapist. His question changed everything for me: "What do you dream about?" Now at the time, this was the last thing I was thinking about. I was not dreaming, but complaining. I was wallowing in self-pity. But as I was leaving, he said, "I am excited for you!" I just looked at him like he was crazy. But this simple question brought openness to what is possible.
That night, I began to dream.
This is my story. And it is only the beginning. Because over time, I learned what to do with my dreams. I was to follow them. Even if I felt scared. Even if it felt overwhelming at times. I chose to believe that I could follow them. And with the right support, I did. Many times. Small wins here and there. Asking questions. Following breadcrumbs.
So I ask you...what do you dream about? What keeps you up at night? What is your heart's desire that you feel you want to follow?
I have followed my dreams and still do. What is yours? I can promise you more hope, joy, and confidence that come from following what is in your heart, cannot be compared. It is exhilarating. It feels amazing!
Let me support you in creating the life you desire! It's time to rediscover yourself, create new dreams, and find a renewed sense of purpose.
Here are five suggestions that can help you on your journey and uncover what truly makes you feel alive:
Question Everything: Challenge your assumptions and beliefs about what your life should look like. Let go of the idea that you can't. Eliminate this idea from your life. Just because something has always been a certain way doesn't mean it has to stay that way. Be open to redefining your path.
Reconnect with What Sparks Your Interest: Think back to activities and hobbies that used to excite you before life got busy. Whether it's painting, gardening, dancing, or reading, reignite those passions and make time for them in your weekly routine. Create a joy list of things that you enjoy and incorporate them into your life. Self-discovery doesn't have to be a chore. Make it happy and exciting by doing things you love.
Assess Your Support System: Look for people and resources around you. Surround yourself with positive influences who encourage and support your journey. Lean on friends, family, or specific support groups to share experiences and gain new perspectives. You will need your people around you when the going gets tough. People who are already doing hard things as well and encourage you to keep going.
Date Yourself: Go on a date with yourself. Find a restaurant that speaks to you. Go inside and follow your intuition about what things you like. What brings joy for you? Follow that. As you are having your meal, savor it. Check in with yourself and how you feel. Follow the joy of what your body and heart desire in this moment. To nurture and take care of yourself. Let this be the beginning of exploring what you like and who you are. Let it open up new interests to try different activities, and don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone.
Embrace Curiosity: Approach life with a sense of wonder and curiosity. Ask "I wonder" questions such as "I wonder what would happen if I tried this." Cultivate a habit of introspection by asking yourself meaningful questions. What brings you joy? What values do you hold dear? What legacy do you want to leave behind? These questions can guide you toward a clearer sense of purpose. Being curious opens up new possibilities and pathways.
Conclusion: Let this be the beginning of finding yourself again. Uncovering your purpose in midlife is about embracing change, exploring new interests, and rediscovering what makes you truly happy. By creating space for joy, reconnecting with your passions, and surrounding yourself with supportive people, you can navigate this journey with confidence and excitement. Remember, it’s never too late to find your purpose and live a life that feels meaningful and fulfilling.