Letting our teens learn and grow

Parenting comes with its joys and challenges. From the moment our children come into this world, our new focus is on nurturing, guiding, and supporting our kids as they navigate life. Yet, in this whirlwind of parenting, it's easy to fall into the trap of measuring our success as a parent based on our teens accomplishments.

But here's the secret: your teens are not a reflection of your parenting. Good or bad.

Whether they're acing their exams or making decisions that leave you scratching your head, just remember their choices are not a reflection of how you are doing as a parent. This idea can be a tough pill to swallow, especially when society tells us our parenting success is with academic achievement and our teens falling in line with what is normal. But I'm here to tell you, letting go of this misconception is essential for building deeper connections with our kids. Especially our teens.

I learned this lesson the hard way. As a parent, I would tell me daughter what she would and would not do even though she was 19 and had made many decisions for herself that she felt confident in. This led to many breakdowns and she finally told me why she was so angry and mistrusted me so much. I didn't respect her as a person. I told her what I thought she should do. I wasn't listening. I realized it wasn't about me. Her success or failure was up to her at that point. We would try to add support and ideas, but she was ultimately the one to decide. Once she let me know how she felts, I changed my approach completely. I backed off and allowed her space. She mistrusted my efforts at first, but eventually came around. Now our relationship is great. Because she knows I trust her and her decisions. Even when I might not agree with them. I support her because I want her to trust herself and who she is.

Believing in our children, even when we don't always agree with their choices, is key to fostering their own self-trust and confidence. Our ultimate goal as parents is to raise kids who are empowered to trust themselves and their abilities. They need to know that our love for them is unconditional, regardless of their achievements or failures.

It's crucial to let go of our own expectations and desires onto our kids. Each child is a unique with their own strengths, passions, and dreams. As parents, our role is not to dictate their path but to provide them with the love, support, and guidance they need to navigate their own journey.

Letting go of the outcome doesn't mean abandoning our role as parents; but instead embracing the uncertainty of parenthood and trusting in our kid's amazing potential. When we let go of the need for a specific outcome and allow ourselves to trust in our kid's abilities, we create space for deeper connections.

I know as a mom I am so proud of my kids when they make the right choices because they want to and not because they are afraid of what might happen if they don't. I am always trilled when I see them succeed because they chose to. And they know it was their choice and not because I had any expectation.

So, bottom line, making a serious effort to release this burden of expectations not only releases them of stress, but allows you to be more of yourself as well. The truth is parenting is messy and everyone's kids are a little different. Parenting is amazing and unpredictable and glorious at the same time. Our kids are not reflections of our parenting; they are amazing individuals capable of achieving greatness with our unwavering support and love. Let's empower them to soar, knowing that we will be there to catch them if they fall.