My Story Day 5
Day 5 of my restoration story…
I had a willingness to receive more beauty in my life. And to choose beauty in myself. I began to choose clothes that reflected my new choices and ideas. I chose jewelry, and watches. I picked out new makeup and used it daily. I got new glasses that I loved. I hadn’t worn glasses in years. I began to wash my face at night, take care of my skin, and get facials which were divine. I enjoyed being me and receiving myself more as a new creature. And I loved feeling beautiful. I walked differently, moved differently and to stood up straighter. The constant furrowed brow began to lift, and I felt more accepted by God and myself. His literal child. I received me.
My relationships began to change as well. I had had a distance or fear of depth in my relationships with my husband and kids. I had a fear of getting too close and getting hurt. Yet, there was a richness I was missing out on, an enjoyment of being close and receiving, of trusting more, and shedding the layers that had kept me protected, but also isolated me from others. As I let go of these walls, a new deeper depth opened up in my relationship with my husband I did not know was possible. We found new ways to receive each other in everyday interactions. We found more time to connect and enjoy, in walks, in having him work from home, or in just cuddling on the couch. We would go for morning walks, and I would share with him my thoughts that were coming up. My struggles, or worries, or inspiration and faith. In such a deep way, we were connecting and coming closer to each other, something I never thought possible before. Like a miracle, our relationship has bloomed into something I cherish, protect, and honor. I have a new respect for my covenants and how they have brought me closer to my Savior and husband both. It is one of the greatest treasures of my life.
Once temples began to open in summer 2021, I had the space to go more often. I found ways to go either to other temples such as Jordan River, or to pick up appointments that had been canceled in the Bountiful temple. If I checked often enough throughout the week, I could find appointments for baptisms that miraculously opened where as before, it was booked solid. These were sweet opportunities to be with my dad in the temple as well as time to be with my husband. My dad and I would go to do baptisms and it was so neat to be baptized by him. I cherished our time together, to feel of his deep love for me in these special moments. Going to the temple also brought a sweet closeness with my Heavenly Father I did not know was possible. I received revelation specific to my questions and needs.
I feel like I have come full circle back to Him in ways I would not have imagined. I experience him daily, on a walk, doing the dishes, and talking with my husband over a delicious dinner, or getting hugs from my sweet daughter. Even this experience of writing and capturing these things down has reminded me of how good God is. How very blessed I am. And has helped me again to receive his tender mercies and grace all over again in a new way. I feel grateful for the opportunity to share these things and receive his loving embrace. My desires are enhanced by Him. My journey is just beginning into a deeper practice of self-knowing. And it never ends. And as I trust in Him, I know he will lead me where I’m meant to be.
Thanks to all those who have been following along. You never know how such things will be received when you share them, but I have been so grateful for the community I am surrounded by and your wonderful reception. I honestly didn’t expect it, but am humbled and grateful. Many blessings my friends!
This picture was taken August 24th 2021, without us knowing, but reflects so well my relationship with my husband and the closeness we enjoy because of His grace.