My Story Day 3
Day 3 of my reconversion story.
I had a willingness, but still resisted. I looked for other sources to help me decide what to do. One of them was an LDS composer I had met online who was no longer a part of the church. We were able to connect in person at a conductors’ music conference on March 7th 2020 where I was performing with my University of Utah chamber choir. It was so neat to connect with him because I was also composing music and he had listened to what I had produced and had been very encouraging. We went out to lunch that day and I had told him of my struggles with the church and how this blessing I had received was something I was considering. I wanted to know his thoughts. He said his partner encouraged him to go to a church because he was a religious person, though he was no longer a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He said religion was important to him. As he talked, I could see this in myself as well. Religion had always been a strong part of my life and I had found great joy in it before. And so, I decided to follow his example and return in faith.
I met with the bishop of my ward and remember the struggle of it. I remember feeling that I just wanted to get through the interview and then leave. The bishop was curious what brought me there, but I wasn’t willing to go into any details. I still had doubts but was moving forward because I wanted the blessings promised to me if I followed. I remember feeling as though I was putting all my doubts and fears on a sacrificial table and giving them up so I could receive His blessings. I remember the bishop tearing up because he was so overcome with my decision to return and me feeling cold to it all. I just wanted to answer the questions and go. This was all during the beginnings of covid. I remember meeting with the stake counselor at his home and bumping elbows because we weren’t supposed to shake hands. I then needing to purchase temple clothing because I had none. I had removed all these things from my home and so had to repurchase all of it.
I remember everything went very fast but lined up perfectly. I got my recommend on a Sunday March 8th 2020, purchased clothing on a Wednesday March 11th, and went to the temple on a Thursday the 12th, because I was on spring break. It had maybe been 5 or 6 years since I had attended last, and so I was not familiar with the many changes that had been made. I felt this experience was a new beginning and I could feel the power of returning and that my Heavenly Father was pleased with me and my efforts and I felt gratitude for the opportunity to start again.
Ten days later temples were closed…for over a year. This brought a new perspective I had not realized. The events leading me to this moment, reminded me of all of god’s goodness and grace. That timing was important to the Lord. And that He knew me, knew my heart, and knew that I needed my covenants to get through another very hard time. My choir class was canceled, which I loved dearly. And all my other classes were online, which I did not enjoy. And the world just turned upside down. Nothing would ever be the same. Nothing was normal. I had more time to think and ponder. More space. And this gave me the opportunity to learn more of my covenants and what they meant to me. And how significant they were since I was not able to return for some time due to temple closures. It made me appreciate the temple even more.
To be continued…